The lipstick was gross. Sticky yet dry, a bitter wax in ‘Fire Engine Red’. It was orange. I was an expert on Orange thanks to my gang on Sesame Street. Grover and John-John did a side by side analysis of red to orange just this morning. The lipstick was orange. Miss Not-the-Teacher was instructing me to kiss the paper, “with your mouth.” She was making weird shapes with her mouth as she said, “mouth” and pointing to the center of the page. There were a lot of rules about where one should and shouldn’t put their mouth. Paper was on the “no” list. I was only three but I knew you weren’t supposed to put paper in your mouth. Between her insistence that the lipstick was red and wanting me to put my mouth on paper, Miss Not-the-Teacher was losing credibility by the second. How does Bizzy stay here with this strange woman?
“Just kiss the paper and I’ll wipe it off!” I quickly touched the paper with my orange wax coated lips. The paper stuck. Neat. Miss Not-the-Teacher pulled it off. She replaced it with sandpaper disguised as a napkin. I quickly ducked her second attempt at assault by wiping my mouth on my sleeve. Sleeves were also on the “no” list but I was against this whole operation from the beginning. Miss Not-the-Teacher was the captain here and we were clearly adrift. I stared at the orange-not-red imprint of my mouth above the letters m,o,u,t, and h. Something was happening here. I sensed there was something she was trying to tell me. That this whole thing was about more than lipstick and where we put our mouths. Mouths hold our taste sense. My Mouth. Miss Not-the-Teacher took my Senses Train away for gluing.
It was lay-on-the-floor-quiet-and-still-until-your-mom-comes o’clock. I use this time to prepare my answers for mom. She is very interested in what I learn at pre-school. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be learning but she asks so I like to have an answer ready for her. It keeps the conversation moving as we navigate Stumps Market.
Today I learned:
We have five senses, most of which are part of our face. Some are in our hands and we must keep our hands to ourselves, especially Billy. – Mom will like this answer.
Miss Not-the-Teacher is not to be trusted. Doesn’t know red from orange. Lies about lipstick. Makes questionable choices about where to put one’s mouth. – Mom might worry about this one.
Lipstick is gross and should be avoided.- Ask Mom why lipstick is a thing.
Bizzy was down for second nap. I tried to ask her about pre-school after Stumps but she didn’t want to talk about it. Mom is also down for second nap. My gang was on TV. The monsters were vomiting letters. A ‘c’ dropped from one of them. An ‘a’ and a ‘t’ popped out of the other. The monster who dropped the ‘c’ made a ka-sound. I made a ka-sound. The monster who dropped the ‘a’ & ‘t’ said, “at”. I said at. They pushed their letters together and made their sounds faster. The ‘c’ lit up.
The ‘a’ and ‘t’ lit up.
A small cat sat above the letters and meowed. Something deep in the center of me cracked like lightening. The letters! C-A-T. CAT. Cat! This is what Ernie and the monsters had been trying to tell me this whole time. I ran to our books screaming, “CAT!” There it was on the cover of “The Cat in the Hat.” I flipped every page. There! Cat. I knew this story because my mom read us all the Doctor’s work. C (ka) at (at), CAT. Oh my god. H (huh) at (at), HAT. HAT! Pat, sat, sit, fan, ran, sad, mad, bad! I was freaking out.
“Moooooommmmmm! Mom, the letters! The LETTERS!!! CAT. MOM! CAT!”
“Wha!? Are you hurt?! Did you see a cat, sweetie?”
“Yes. I see a cat. C and A and T. Cat, mom, it’s the letters! The letters together are cat!”
“Oh, yes. Can we read later? I thought you were sleeping? Is Bizzy awake?”
“No. She’s asleep still. Mom, listen, the monsters, I figured it out! They’ve been trying to tell me this whole time and I get it!”
“That’s nice. Is Sesame Street on?”
“Oh, it’s on.” and I was awake.