August 21, 1998 (CE) San Diego, Ca. Honeymooners Find Sunken Treasure Off Baja Coast, Local Tour Captain Missing.
A Spanish galleon, complete with treasure chests, was discovered by a group of tourists awaiting rescue off the coast of Baja last weekend. The four youths booked what was supposed to be a two hour fishing trip aboard the Pez Tesoro early last Saturday morning. They returned with chests that possibly contain Aztec gold.
A flyer for Pez Tesoro Tours, a local charter service owned by Auberon Inc., described the tour as an ‘authentic sea fishing experience complete with scenic island hopping, margaritas, and all the treasures of the sea in under two hours.’ According to heavily redacted company records Jacques Alouette, a.k.a. ‘Captain Jack’, filed a ‘charter extension’ with Auberon Inc. claiming inclement weather conditions around 3pm on Saturday. The group claims that ‘Captain Jack’, disappeared around 4pm after dropping anchor about three miles from where they were eventually discovered.
“We, like, totally thought it was a prank. I mean, the dude was eccentric.” Lysander, 19, explained, “He made a big deal about showing us this ‘secret spot’ for the right price. He dropped anchor and we found the ship. It felt staged. We were waiting for the reveal.” The ‘right price’ turned out to be three ounces of hallucinogenic mushrooms. “He was trippin’ balls, man.”
It is unknown at this time why it took four days to find the disabled vessel of stoned teenagers. According to the radio call transcripts released by the US Coast Guard, the group radioed for assistance at nightfall claiming their captain had been missing for ‘several hours’ and he had the keys. Officials from several government agencies verified the coordinates transmitted from the ship’s emergency GPS unit using satellite imagery. Search and Rescue professionals were boggled by the absence of any vessel at the physical coordinates when they arrived. Over the next 48 hours, the tourists maintained constant radio contact with search and rescue teams. Shortly before midnight on Tuesday, they announced that the boat was stuck on a sand bar. A local fisherman found them at dawn. When asked how he managed to find the group, Domingo Vega, 70, simply stated, “I just used my eyes.”
During their time lost at sea, the group of friends made the most of their vacation. “We had food and supplies. We could see land. So we just made the best of it.” Hermia, 18, told reporters at a press conference yesterday. The find was authenticated by the Committee For Finding Lost Shit In The Ocean (CFFLSITO) as the Esperer, one of three ships listed as sunk off the coast of Spain in April of 1523. According to a CFFLSITO spokesperson, the ship and its contents are surprisingly well preserved considering they’ve been underwater for nearly 500 years. CFFLSITO has begun a recovery and selvage operation. All recovered items are being sent to Elegast Labs where they can be studied. Elegast Labs is a subsidiary of Auberon, Inc. When asked if this was a conflict of interest, CFFLSITO spokesperson responded, “There is nothing to see here. Please move along.”